Keep the fire burning.
"And we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in union with God and God remains in union with him. (1st John: Chapter 4, verse 16)
As a relationship and personal development consultant I recognise that relationships, family life and emotions are fast wired, regardless how you juggle them around the outcome is the same. Relationships and family life will affect your emotions; family life and your emotions will affect your relationship; emotions and your relationship will ultimately affect your family life, you cannot separate them. Therefore it is essential to assess your emotions, relationship and family life if you wish to manage these areas effectively. I created this page to offer support, information and relationship tips in line with my training, knowledge, research and personal experience. My intention is to provide a platform for discussions, support, information and problem solving techniques to assist couples and singletons alike.
Please Note these articles are subject to copyright.
One for the ladies
December 31st 2015
A certified keeper
He is almost as important to me as the air that I breathe,
Whenever he is with me I feel a tad dwindled when he leaves.
Why? Because I feel so happy, secure, protected and loved,
Indeed he is a true blessing from our creator above.
He is splendid to talk to; we spend hours over the phone-
And when we are together we are like kids we can’t leave each other alone.
The level of trust and loyalty is mutually off the scales-
And we don’t allow potential minor disputes to shift over to gales.
I love his gentle, tolerant yet masculine personality,
In truth his abundance of positive skills is an undisputed reality.
I'm so intoxicated; he has me weak at the knees,
Each opportunity I have to be with him I’m tempted to seize.
He makes me feel light in the head like I'm walking on clouds,
Like I'm doing symbolic cartwheels, I want to scream YES! Out loud.
I can’t believe it; everything about him is so impressive and enticing,
No issues, no drama, no mind games, no back biting.
I feel joyful, cherished and assured, this feels so great,
My life is full of passion and adventure I think he is my chosen fate.
I have so much affection to give but not in a relationship that is hither and thither-
And he provides a safe haven so I can free my love and confidently deliver.
I believe my journey in life was to prepare me for him,
I have his heart he has mine, this relationship is a win, win, win!
Yes I’d like what we have to grow and become even deeper,
Because according to the evidence so far he is a certified keeper.
Cherish your keeper
If you have a relationship that sounds similar to the poem above, then you probably have a keeper, well done. No doubt the depth of your relationship was based upon the qualities that you and your keeper witnessed in each other. With this in mind it is highly probable that the personality you portrayed intrigued him to be attracted to you in the first place, so please don’t attempt to transform yourself into the characteristics you think he likes, just be yourself and true to your values.
A healthy relationship thrives when you recognize each other’s differences and…
When both parties can express themselves.
When there is mutual appreciation.
When you are happy together.
When you and your partner support each other.
When you make sacrifices for each other.
When you and your partner have patience towards each other.
When there is mutual protection.
When you and your partner feel love for each other.
When you and your partner feel mutual admiration.
When you and your partner spend quality time together.
When you have effective communication with each other.
When both parties exercise person responsibility and tackle challenges.
When you and your partner demonstrate forgiveness towards each other.
When you and your partner are open with each other.
When you have mutual trust.
When you and your partner have fun.
When you and your partner can be yourself.
In most cases when a woman feels like she has a keeper it opens additional doors within her womanhood, as such she will be more enthused to trust, support and maintain loyalty towards her partner. There are no guarantees concerning the duration of a relationship but a woman will feel more inclined to fruitfully invest in a relationship that has an appealing compliance to her needs, values and dignity.
How much should you have in common?
December 12th 2015
Maintaining a productive relationship
Your background, abilities and emotional state of mind will have an impact in many areas of your life, with this in mind one must take into account that each and every one of us are individuals with unique perceptions, experiences and journeys. My mom always coined the phrase ‘seven different brothers seven different mind’s,' as such when formulating a relationship one must accept that there may be a variety of differences to face. Factors such as accustomed culture, age, childhood environment and race helps to shape an individual’s personality and traits. Evaluation requires insight, co-operation and tolerance to some degree. However, when two people are already likeminded and maintain mutual respect naturally the potential quality of the relationship is likely to be enhanced.
Circumstances have an impact on relationships too, for example if you are involved in a relationship and live in your parents home your financial obligations is likely to be less demanding. In contrast if you are responsible for overheads such as rent/mortgage ect and you are a parent navigating a minimum wage this could also tip the scales against you in terms of available finances.
Compare the chart below
The method outlined in chart above can be adapted and used to evaluate other aspects that may have an impact on your relationship too.
Compare these examples below:
A physically charged person + a partner with a sluggish driving force; likely potential for this setting = additional challenges
A highly intelligent person + an uninformed partner; likely potential for this setting = additional challenges
An optimistic person + a partner with pessimistic view towards life; likely potential for this setting = additional challenges
Regardless of differences without doubt you and your partner can support each other to address challenges providing values, needs and wellbeing are mutually sustained too. It’s not about trying to change a person’s character but about managing your values, boundaries and how you choose to interact with your partner. In any case, when you are dealing with a complicated or delicate situation, it is essential to learn to master the art of persuasion. On the same token don’t bombard or suffocate your partner with words or relentless statements if you want your voice to be heard.
Here are a few tips for you
Copyright © All Rights Reserved~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (alias Rare Diamond)
What motivates your conscious thoughts
November 6th 2015
Many say, ‘I hate feeling this way but I can’t help it.’ But in many cases this is not true, can we control the way we feel? Fortunately our feelings are managed by our thoughts, conscious and subconscious thoughts. Your thoughts including the views you have about yourself, thoughts that stem from your subconscious mind. Your thoughts are driven by your experiences, how you choose to perceive them, statements conveyed to you by influential figures throughout your life, your childhood environment and learned concepts exercised by parents, family members and careers ect.
Reprogramming the mind
It’s essential to develop a positive/loving relationship with yourself by repeating (self-talk) this is positive statements to yourself about yourself several times a day.
Silent/vocal Self-talk = mind instructions
Programming/conditioning influence your beliefs e.g. I am clever
Beliefs influence your perspectives and attitudes e.g. I am an achiever
Perspectives and attitudes influence your feelings e.g. I have a positive/enthusiastic driving force
Feeling/emotions influence behaviours and actions e.g. I am self-confident
In contrast what if you viewed yourself as backward?
Programming/conditioning influence your beliefs e.g. I am slow
Beliefs influence your perspectives and attitudes e.g. I am a failure
Perspectives and attitudes influence your feelings e.g. I have a negative outlook
Feeling/emotions influence behaviours and actions e.g. I am insecure
It is essential to recognize that in order to guide your subconscious mind it is important to avoid a self-destructive thought process and crippling comments such as: I should, I will never, am not I can’t/don’t have, I will never become, I need to change, I’m trying but I can’t…, I ought to/need to …..but I can’t! I’m really sick, I’m a mentally unstable/balanced, I will never be able to…., I can’t be bothered, I’m fed up, I am bitter. Indeed some of these statements may be a reality but if these thoughts are NOT combined with positive solutions it’s time to confront the issues and draw an effective plan of action to crush them.
(Change brings change!)
Positive thought process are productive/assertive comments such as: I have, I am, I do, I can do what ever I put my mind to, I love living, I like who I am, I am energetic, I am determined, I am safe, I am healthy, I am a winner, I am successful, I am a peoples person, I enjoy getting things done, I respect myself, I no longer/don’t entertain negativity, This of course is positive/healthy egotism, (unless it is accompanied by a negative). Remember if you say things enough it becomes a reality- (fake it till you make it!) Never use future statements such as ‘I should or I’m going to’ because it is not referring to the present but the future so your intention will remain in the future.
Think of your brain as a tube filled up with various thoughts. If your thoughts are partly or mostly negative, this will consume your thinking process and programme your mind to entertain the negative energy that negative thoughts carry. But as you fill your mind with positive thoughts, these new energies will begin to flush the negative thoughts out, (like planting the flowers and removing weeds. But beware! If you don’t continue to nourish the flowers the strong rooted weeds will return and kill them.
The key to successful personal growth.
Personal development includes taking responsibility for your behaviour and thought process. Therefore if you keep blaming people, events, places, ect for your situations, choices and or mental state, you are likely to experience relentless challenges in life. it is a wise course to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
In terms of relationships, Colossians 3:8-10 says, 'But now you must put them all away from you: wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech, and obscene talk out of your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another. Strip off the old personality with its practices, 10 and clothe yourselves with the new personality, which through accurate knowledge is being made new according to the image of the One who created it.'
Responsibility = response ability
P.N. In some cases underlying unresolved emotional scars or trauma interfere with your thought process, this calls for additional assistance.
Emotions Life Style and Relationships.
October 24th 2015
Do you detect your partner’s emotional motor?
A man’s psyche is driven by his life style and environment.
What is security in the eyes of most men? Independence, admiration, appreciation, honesty and loyalty. After all, if you considered youself to be trustworthy, if you knew you were admired, if you knew others viewed you as a reliable person, if you were in the position to financially support yourself and others, if you know others will support you if necessary, would you not feel secure too? No doubt you would. So here is a question for the ladies, do you assist your man to succeed in these areas?
Be warned! Nagging demands, guilt trips, neglect, or lack of respect is not the way forward to secure a happy relationship. Please note needy individuals better known as co-dependency are broken sprits that carry emotional scars. If you are in this position please seek assistance or message us using the contact page to address your situation, this will afford you an opportunity to escape the revolving negative traps, recover and be free to move ahead.
A woman functions according to her life style and environment too.
For the most part security in a woman's eyes differs to men. She feels content when she is loved, protected, supported and she is able to express herself freely. Women are more inclined to invest quality time and effort towards her relationship when she feels cherished, appreciated and safe. Therefore disloyalty, abuse, and harsh words must be avoided by BOTH parties if they want to create or maintain a peaceful path.
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Men, please recognize that in most cases little feels better to a woman than knowing that her man is a capable, faithful, and openly expresses the deep love that he has for her. If you constantly hear that you are falling short concerning these qualities, deep down inside you probably already know this. Be aware denial is likened to walking on dangerous ground, challenges will arise and you may be slowly, subconsciously destroying your relationship. As such seek assistance to establish the cause and search for solutions. It may be helpful to consider appealing characteristics according to my own studies and research results.
Popular attractions for men besides exterior appearance
A woman that is honest
A woman that is a homemaker
A woman that can prepare a good meal
A woman that is trustworthy
A woman with self-respect
A woman with passion
A woman with self-confidence
What can you add?
Popular attractions for women besides exterior appearance
A man that is supportive
A man that is loyal
A man with self-respect
A man with leadership traits
A man with admirable confidence
A man that supports good family values
A man that demonstrates good social skills
A man with useful DIY skills
What can you add?
Common attractions for toxic/abusive characters or traits that require closure
A timid person
A needy person
A depressed person
A pessimistic person
A subdued person
A person that is fearful
What can you add?
The power of appreciation
Gratitude is so underrated on all levels, particularly concerning intimate relationships. When addressing family members, friends or associates; tact, patience, forgiveness and loyalty come natural to most. With these qualities in place good relationships can be embraced and continue for decades.
However, many entertain a different set of rules when it comes to communicating with a spouse. Constant turbulence rears its head because some couples choose poor verbal or physical communication and unproductive problem solving techniques to address their challenges.
On numerous occasions clients have complained that they feel trapped because they want to converse with their partner but each time they make an attempt they are accused of moaning. As a result, this creates a false truce of silence for a period and then the person will frantically burst out a long list of built up concerns that they need to get it off their chest. At this point the spouse may regard this as constant nagging for no reason, therefore they respond inappropriately hence creating yet another false truce of silence, unfortunately without intervention the vicious negative path will continue to repeats its cycle.
Mindful of the benefits, regardless of gender please support a positive platform for discussion, dismiss toxic energies, encourage your partner to have a voice and reap the rewards. Want to improve the quality of your communication? Compare my article on this page under the heading: Evaluate your words and attitude. Date: July 31st 2015
Relationships and feelings.
October 4th 2015
Source: abstract from 'Rare Diamond’s relationship and feelings manual'
Is there a wedge growing between you and your spouse?
Happiness and peace requires a platform to flourish, a platform seasoned with respect, commitment and loyalty. Without these qualities pursuits to attain a loving environment may work temporarily but then you may find yourself chasing an empty dream. However, it doesn’t mean that couples in these circumstances cannot experience a transition. What if you discover that you were indeed living in an illusion?
There is nothing like a woman scorned.
Most levelheaded women want security, they want their man to lead the way, to have the correct insight to address matters, to be responsible, to be trustworthy and of course demonstrate loyalty. However, by and large infidelity is on the increase and that old time saying comes to mind, ‘there is nothing like a woman scorned’, but what does this mean? It implies that the woman is wounded, angry, confused and thus revengeful. Meanwhile most men attempt to escape from her wroth, ignore the required repair process and remain in total denial regarding liability; this further exasperates the woman’s distaste and can hinder closure. If you are in a similar position and you have made a conscious decision to end the relationship and all ties then you have all rights to examine and contemplate the injustice that your exe has imposed upon you, this will assist you to keep it real in your mind. But remember every experience has a lesson behind it so a reflection on self is equality important.
Let’s say you have decided to give him another chance
The no no’s
Remember it is your partner that has violated the trust between you, it is his lack of commitment that is the issue; you did not make a contract with his accomplice. With this in mind get a grip on the realities before you and recognize that your gripe should remain with him alone. Some women pursue a path of relentless investigations to acquire information about their spouse’s accomplice in an attempt to find fault. This is a useless course of action and it could potentially add fuel to a negative burning fire.
If you are blame gaming, trying to make your spouse jealous or harassing his accomplice in a bid to regain your partner’s attention, recognize that you are pressing all the wrong digits. If you want to keep him the issue at hand should be your partner’s infidelity and whether you intend to forgive him or not. Keep focused on your personal evaluation on the matter, in the meantime keep busy doing positive things as this can be an effective way to divert your pain and move forward.
It is essential to recognize that you will need to put the past behind you before you can focus on your future. It is a normal expectation to seek clarity but bear in mind no matter how many times you ask the ‘whys’ it will not change what happened or block the consequential pain.
What should you do?
THE FOUR STEPS BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICE
If your partner is deceitful and you are not sure if they should leave,
Here are some important facts that you must first perceive.
There are four steps required before you can acquire a level-headed result,
Until you adhere to them your evaluation capabilities may be reduce or even come to a halt.
Lose the ANGER;
The first to address is the anger let me assure you I well know,
If you don’t control it, the confusion will grow.
Until you surpass it the right decision is difficult to make,
The only thing you are likely to achieve is a negative heartache.
Wait and OBSERVE:
When the shock has subsided it’s time to observe,
You will start to perceive things without uttering a word.
Once you’ve accepted all the facts that it brings,
You will see the reality of the situation you’re in.
Face all the FACTS:
At this point you must consider the veracity of the facts,
Including the reason why your partner’s loyalty glided off track.
In some circumstances there may be a greater loss if they go,
But research shows, that these setting often hinder spiritual growth.
Make your DECISION:
You may decide that your relationship is worthy of another try-
But if not be cautious, the Aids virus kills! Are you prepared to die?
No one has the right to dictate your decision it is your life and choice,
Nevertheless remember to rely on God as your guiding hoist.
Copyright © All Rights Reserved ~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (Alias Rare Diamond)
If you make a decision to stay with your partner and move forward you must recognize these facts, finger pointing and insults is likely to create or reciprocate the recipients defense barriers, therefore focus on the positives. The key to progress is simple, think before you act, avoid toxic tolerance and engage in personal examination, perhaps via a doctor or advice center. This will grant you an opportunity to look at your conduct towards your partner, your problem solving techniques if any and the possible impact on the relationship.
Relationships are an intricate journey to say the least and many couples come to realise that the real test of durability is when you are faced with obstacles. Consequently it is essential to examine methods that drives positive interaction and unity because ultimately our actions bring a reaction. Both you and your spouse must decide if you have what it takes to survive this difficult time but you must team up to move ahead. Bear in mind if a female refuses to adhere to her responsibility as a woman/spouse or mother and/or if man refuses to recognise or adhere to his responsibility as a man, spouse or father, it will be a real challenge to maintain a productive relationship. However, when both parties in a relationship take time out to recognise their faults and address them effectively they can improve their chances to enhance love, a progressive bond and positive communication.
The Power of Vision Passion and Motivation
September 17th 2015
Source: abstract from 'Rare Diamond’s relationship and feelings manual'
Do You lack Passion and Motivation?
Many people envision an idea that seems inviting but then conclude that there are too many obstacles and therefore they cannot accomplish their vision or goal. Sound familiar? For example have you ever attended a event and the speaker comes to the questions and answer stage, you want to speak but you feel a little uncomfortable? I have been there many times in the past. What compels a person to answer despite their fears?
perhaps they had a pressing desire to share useful information
perhaps they had a pressing desire to make their presence known
perhaps they needed to seek clarity
they might want to assist the speaker, ect.
In other words they had a desire, passion or driving force that motivated them to overcome their obstacles and accomplish their goal.
The path to Motivation.
You must have a vision to formulate a passion
You must have a passion to attain a goal
You must have a goal to grow motivation
I remember the days when my eyes were always stuck to my notes during workshop presentations. Those days were awful, my fears caused havoc. In my case I am physically challenged and I am dyslexic with an unruly memory in areas but my motivation is strong. Why? because I have a vision and a pressing desire to offer support. I want to share information; I want to share important relationship tips acquired as a relationship advisor over the years. I want to assist those who employ hopeless problem solving techniques to achieve happiness and build self-esteem.
My passion to offer support is unyielding because I see too many examples of couples and singleton falling into the trap of following the systems examples of how we should view and conduct our relationships and our lives. As a result, my passion to support personal development motivated me to surpass my challenges. For instance, to address my unruly memory I found a plan B, intense practice. I decided to constantly practice my material several weeks in advance. This afforded me the ability to memorize my theme allowing me to maintain that important eye contact with my audience and therefore improve the quality of my delivery.
You must be motivated to appreciate your skills and talents
You must be motivated to embrace personal progress
You must be motivated to seek good relationships
My ability to be where I am today and conquer constant obstacles is fuelled by self-confidence, motivation, driven by a vision, a deep passion and a goal. Undoubtedly you must have an unyielding passion in order to attain the motivation required to achieve goals because sometimes the road to success is rocky and carries a heavy load. If you want to be successful you must have goals, if you have goals they must feel intensely appealing; this will help you to create a vision. Once you have a vision you can make plans to physically materialize that vision. This will include having a thirst (passion), this will inspire you to build the drive (motivation) necessary to embrace a plan of action that will assist you to accomplish your goals. Yes indeed self-belief, a vision, passion and motivation are key players to achieve your goals in life. But! Be warned the responsibility lies with you to manage your thought process.
Long-term toxic relationship what do they do?
They block your path when you wish to pursue.
Not because you do not have what it takes to succeed-
But because your mind, spirit and soul is not at ease.
Toxic relationships represent poor choices, resentment and fear,
They support turmoil and non-productive affairs,
Embrace humiliation, low-self-esteem and relentless despair.
Beware! You could entertain a toxic relationship with yourself,
You could be neglecting your own spiritual and mental health.
You could be making decisions that don’t benefit you,
You could recognize personal responsibility and point blank refuse.
You could be ignoring the important safety guidelines,
You could be giving everyone else but yourself quality time.
As a result regular assessment should be on your list,
To ensure that you are not entertaining a toxic relationship.
Copyright © All Rights Reserved ~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (Alias Rare Diamond)